Rambles and shambles

There are several ways in which my life is a mess right now. I stay out too late, I work too much, I drink too much, I let my emotions get the best of me most days and I often don’t generally think before I act. I should try to be better. I should try to do better… It should probably affect me more than it does but right now…. I can’t really care that much. 

Whether this is some psychological defense mechanism that is keeping me from experiencing any more pain than I have thus far this year, or its my own id acting from shear human instinct, this is what is happening. 

And I’m embracing it. And owning it.

I just had a conversation with someone telling them I’m exactly the opposite of what you should be doing and I didn’t necessarily feel bad about that statement. I know I’m dealing/handling things that predictably are making me a crazy person, however I’m oddly ok with that. I know that this too shall pass, and moreover will make me into a better human being. Even if my life is kinda in shambles right now.

When I said I was sad about something silly today, a friend told me “Just don’t fight being sad. Feel it and rub your face in it. It’s a fucking way of life and the risk you take by giving your heart so openly. It’s a trait that is admirable and inspirational. And the pain is a small price to pay for the good”. 

Golden piece of advice.

It’s so easy for us to fight what we are feeling and guilt ourselves into feeling badly about our emotions when at the end of the day, we’d all be better people if we listened to that inner voice telling us to cry, laugh or yell.

It’s so difficult to thrive sometimes, yet we have a tendency to break ourselves a part for no reason at all. We’re all a work in progress and I think it’s time we cut ourselves some fucking slack. Be a mess. Cry. Admit your faults and be ok with it. Embrace the chaos and fucking welcome all the unhealthy decisions YOU decide on. Because no body made you make those decisions.

Really the only way you’re ever going to grow up is if you act like a child sometimes.

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