Change is inevitable. Yet it still can be excruciatingly painful. To me, 2016 has been the bookmark of change in my life. To my career, relationships, friendships and everything in between, everything seems in constant motion. At times I feel like like I’m barreling down a mountain on a bike without any brakes. It’s been a whirlwind of a year and we’ve only half begun.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the way my adult friendships with people have been directly influencing my life. I recently turned 29 and although society sometimes likes to shove it down our throats (especially as women) that the closer you are to 30, the more self-conscience you should feel, I’m feeling pretty fucking great about things. I’ve met some fantastically beautiful individuals over the last year that have pushed me beyond my limits in many ways. I think more so than any boyfriend or lover ever has done in my life.
As I’ve been a 29 year old single woman living in NYC, I’ve fallen in love with more people unromantically than romantically. Make sense? My heart and mind are more in sync than they have been and I’m learning that loving people doesn’t have to be solely a romantic stand off. But also, having sex with someone can mean you love them, but don’t want to be in love with them. (I’m sure that doesn’t quite make sense.)
I’ve noticed as more and more I’ve started “dating” again, I’m falling more in love with my self than the actual people I’m dating****. Does that mean I’m conceded? Perhaps. However, I don’t really mind. I’ve found that I’m dating to meet new people, to find more connections, to satisfy my needs/wants and to learn more and more about what it is I want from a partner not necessarily what I want to give a partner.
I’ve always thought this was how men date. That this was the selfish nature that most men went after. Different women every night/constant attention from multiple ladies. Now I know this is how you date as an adult. We’re humans. We want what we want and it doesn’t matter if I’m a woman who wants to date more than one person (sometimes multiple in a day).
Just let me live!