I sit in silence late one night (or early one morning- whichever way you spin it), furiously typing away emotions seemingly spewing from my heart. My body is trembling yet I feel oddly stable. I feel confident in the words appearing on the screen of my iPad.
I realize these words had transformed into a letter to you. Something I had not intended to write but had willfully created. In this moment, I knew this was a goodbye letter to you. It was a goodbye letter to us.
And just like that I closed the chapter of you and I.
I realize now that we both had the best intentions. But we both knew we fell for the other with idealistic notions of saving the other from our own insecurities and need to be loved, understood and accepted. You weren’t ready for the love I was to give, and I wasn’t patient enough to teach you the lessons you needed to learn for yourself.
You were a mountain I tried to move. You became a constant in my life like no one else has ever been. You were my best friend far before you were my lover. I saw past your people pleasing needs and read your expressions before you realized you were making them. I knew your heart before you ever knew mine. But somewhere along the way you forgot to include me in your future plans and I found myself lost and feeling worthless even in your embrace. Like I said, we had the best intentions.
After I finished this surprise letter. I did something terrifying. I hit the send button. And then I cried. I sobbed actually.
And then it was over. Just like I knew we finally were.
I miss you. I love you. I’m always thinking of you. But even I know when the song has ended and when it’s time to go home. You have all of my love. Forever and more. You know that.